Planes, trains and automobiles (and buses too!)

I have learned an awful lot these past few days, and that's an understatement. Allow me to share.

Things I've Learned While Attempting to Send Kristy South (play on words people, she really was going south. SIGH)

1. Amtrak does not go to Mojave, CA.

2. Amtrak does stop in Bakersfield, CA, allow you to hop on a bus to travel to Mojave, CA, but it won't transfer your luggage for you.

3. And by the way, that luggage cannot be of the large variety so you can't ride the train anyway.

4. Only 1 out of 5 rental car agencies allow you to pick up their car at one agency and drop it off at another. It will most likely be the last agency you call.

5. Rental car agencies will book you the small compact car you reserved AND a luxury one as well. If you're lucky, they'll call you 24 hours in advance to verify with you if this information is correct.

6. If you're going to be the one driving the rental car, don't forget your drivers license when you go to pick it up.

7. After you get back to the car agency with the drivers license, be advised then that age 24.7 is not an acceptable age to drive a rental car.

8. Slugging the rental agent is not an acceptable response.

9. Just kidding about # 8.

10. Sometimes, coming up with Plan Q is actually fun, especially when it means you get to spend more time with the person you're trying to send south.

11. Bus agents do not speak clear English.

12. "Doo need ta twansfah to da Owange bus" actually means, "You'll be transferring to the Orange Stage Line bus in Bakersfield, CA", not that you'll be riding with CA state prisoners for the remainder of your travel experience.

13. Do not expect help with your luggage.

14. In fact, you might need to climb up to the top of the bus yourself and strap it down in case they have no more room for your luggage underneath. Greyhound takes no responsibility for passengers who end up in ER from botched attempts at securing their luggage.

15. Just kidding. I think.

16. You can buy a ticket but not a reservation.

17. You can have a ticket with you at the bus station when the bus of said ticket pulls up but you still don't have a reservation.

18. Once you are physically on the bus in a seat, you have a reservation.

19. Sometimes, MapQuest gives poor directions.

20. Usually, it will happen when you forgot to recharge your cell phone and the battery is about to die.

21. Greyhound of Lodi, CA does not answer their phone before they open at 8am.

22. They do not answer it after they open either.

23. There is way too much traffic in Lodi, CA at 8am.

24. When you are trying to find the bus station in Lodi, CA, you will notice that there is an unusually high amount of senior citizens who are crossing the streets.

25. My van can stop pretty fast.

26. Kristy can hang on pretty well.

27. After screeching to a stop next to a pedestrian to yell for directions to the bus station, and then go to make a tight U turn to head back the other direction but find you can't make the full U because a fire hydrant is in the way, forcing you to reverse your car 5 inches, then shove it into drive again, try not to lose it and accept the fact that sometimes fire hydrants are strategically placed by God Himself. There is just no other explanation, people.

28. Once sighting a Greyhound bus sign, one can feel an incredible amount of glee.

29. Greyhound of Lodi, CA is not in the building their sign is plastered over . But there's a sign on the door that says, "Greyhound is in the office located next door".

30. That office is locked shut too. But it also has a sign that says, "Greyhound is in the office located next door."

31. That's the station and it is open.

32. When telling the ticket agent your destination, although it would seem quite obvious, make sure you tell her Mojave is in CALIFORNIA. It will save her a few minutes.

33. Ticket agents don't always find the route a bus is supposed to be going in when they check their computers. They sometimes ask if you're SURE it's going to the destination you are trying to book because they can't find it.

34. Keep calm.

35. Once the dense ticket agent (oops, is that bad to say?) finds Mojave on her computer screen and prints out the boarding ticket and luggage tags that you have in your possession, begin to breathe again. It's good for you.

36. When the bus pulls up to pick up the 4 waiting passengers, try not to freak out when you see all the seats full but one.

37. Bus drivers are not very personable.

38. When you see your dear friend getting on the bus....walking to the back....then turning around and walking to the front again....try to once again, remain calm. You'd be really embarrassed if you didn't and she actually finds the seat.

40. Relief and sadness are very different emotions to be experiencing at the same time. Relief not because your dear guest is about to leave, but because you don't have to look like a complete idiot to everyone who knows the story thus far when you have to tell them...."and then.....she couldn't get on the bus because there were no seats.....". Sadness because you already miss her.


Kristy is such a dear friend and was such a wonderful guest. I'm missing her already, and she's only been gone a few hours.